Fat free—isn’t that what many of us want? To be free of our fat? What would be a good way to go about this? The logical place in our brains might make us think that the fat free labels on foodstuffs would be a good place to start. Combine that with years of advertising and “research” telling us that fat makes us fat and of course we want to go there.
This is another thing for me that lands in the category of BULLSHIT!!!
But it didn’t always. For many years fat free was like my messiah. It was my go to method for weight loss. And if you hang around this blog at all we all know where that got me…and it was not free of fat!
You know what I used to eat? Fat free and low fat faux foods. Lean Cuisines. Weight Watcher frozen dinners. Lean Pockets (which one of my co-workers renamed “that fucking pocket” as in you’re eating that fucking pocket again?? The smell alone prompted this response from her—gross!!).
It makes me embarrassed to write this. It makes me feel pretty stupid—stupid because I was so stuck on dieting to try and lose weight that I didn’t give a thought to nutrition. I didn’t give a thought to nourishing myself.
This is why I failed over and over again.
My focus was all wrong. My focus was on being fat and then on doing anything that I was told or believed would free me of that fat.
There is a two-fold issue here. First I was focusing on what I didn’t want—being fat. Second I was focusing solely on losing weight rather than focusing on being healthy. Two hugely different things. One leads to eating disorders and malnourishment, the other leads to overall well being and to my naturally thin size.
It was a one two punch that was knocking me out on many different levels. It negatively affected my health, my weight continued to go up, but the biggest affect was trying so hard and failing over and over again did a huge number to my confidence and sense of self.
That last part is the heart breaker. As serious as the rest is losing myself to my weight and my inability to control it despite all my efforts took the biggest toll on me. It affected everything in my life.
Changing the way I thought about food, diet, and myself changed everything. EVERYTHING. When I focused on getting healthy and taking care of myself things turned around in a big way. And very quickly.
Do you see the difference? All my dieting efforts were not in the spirit of taking care of myself. They were punishing regimes aimed at annihilating the fat…and I was annihilating myself in the process.
As I write this I am roasting some asparagus. As I pulled it out of the fridge I got a wave of delight as I haven’t had asparagus in awhile. I can’t wait to eat it because I know it is super good for me and it tastes fantastic. This is the result of my change in thinking. Before I would eat the processed frozen shit because I could easily count the calories, points, and fat grams. Now I choose foods that are whole, nutrient dense and nourishing not because I feel that I should but because I love them and they help to take good care of me. This is the place I have always wanted to live.
PS I just pulled out the asparagus and it is sweet and amazingly good—roasted with good quality olive oil (FAT!) and a little sea salt…PERFECTION! Roasted asparagus kicks that fucking pocket’s ass!! And it takes care of me.
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