How To Become a Spiritual Pot Smoking Hippie Without Inhaling

First my meditation teacher tells me I look like a hippie and now my trainer tells me I smell like weed??? What the hell??

As you may recall awhile back my meditation teacher kindly told me he couldn’t figure me out because I drive a fancy looking car but I look like some sort of hippie. Now to follow along this thread…

Against better judgment the other night I went over to my friend Deb’s house for a lovely dinner and a couple glasses of wine. Normally this would not be against better judgment—it would be a great idea. But the poor judgment came in knowing that I had to get up early to go to my trainer the next morning and he had already warned me on Tuesday when I saw him last that he was going to beat the hell out of me on Thursday.

As is usually the case with wine I woke up feeling not completely at the top of my game, but I bucked up for the workout and drank a giant screaming green juice that was heavy on kale and collard greens.

Upon arrival I confessed that I had wine the night before (mainly so if I sucked at the workout I could use it as an excuse). Unfortunately this news did not cause him to modify the hell he had planned for me and he seemed to smile with extra delight as he told me what crazy crap was to come.

About midway through I’ve got a pretty good sweat going and he says to me, I have to ask you this—did you smoke weed last night? Or this morning?

What??? No, I don’t smoke weed! Especially not in the morning! Why, am I doing that bad?

No, I smell weed.

WHAT???, again. Now I’m in a little bit of a panic—I smell like weed?????

Wait, is it the wine? No. I had a bunch of kale salad with garlic in the dressing yesterday. No, it didn’t smell like garlic.

Meanwhile I’m frantically smelling myself and I’m not getting it. But I do tell him how green my juice was this morning to try and convince him that in fact I am not a pot smoker.

I guess we’ve developed a pretty good relationship because after finishing the workout I was lying on the mat stretching and I said, Now you’ve got me all paranoid—do you still smell it?? Going above and beyond his trainer duties he gets down on the floor and leans in for a big sniff. No, he says, all I smell is your laundry detergent. Thank God!!

We concluded that maybe somebody else in the gym smoked weed before they came in. But I never smelled anything so I continued to wonder if green juice was perhaps seeping out of my pores.

So the moral of this story is—it’s better to drink wine the night before a workout and risk smelling like booze than to drink green juice and smell like marijuana.

Wait—that’s not a very good moral. OK, really I just had to write this post because I found it so funny. How ironic that I am pounding all this green juice to be super healthy plus going to a trainer to get in better shape and he asks me if I’m smoking pot! I have to laugh at that. So here’s another moral—don’t take what you are doing or yourself too seriously.

Like what you just read? Get our free email updates!

About Gwen

Gwen is the creator of You can find out more on the about page or reach her via the contact page.

2 Responses to How To Become a Spiritual Pot Smoking Hippie Without Inhaling

  1. Voyager977 November 9, 2013 at 10:19 am #

    Hi Gwen,

    It’s the kale!!!

    I juice daily with a mix heavy on kale, carrots and apples. My wife and kids all mentioned the pot smell. I’m not a smoker of anything, but nonetheless the smell is very evident after drinking my daily juice. It hasn’t stopped me from juicing my kale daily, but I have stocked up on altoids! :-)

    • Gwen
      Gwen November 13, 2013 at 11:47 am #

      Haha–I will have to keep that in mind!

Leave a Reply