Hurling in Public Not Required

Years ago my friend Nancy gave me the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

It was a time in my life when I was very fearful but somehow I talked myself into leaving my job and going to spend a month at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health to do their Holistic Health Teacher Training.  Then I planned to start my own business doing workshops and one on one energy work.

I returned from Kripalu high on spending a month with like-minded people at an awesome place.  But that high quickly faded and after floundering around for about a month I took a lesser paying job with the same company I had left to pursue my dream.

I was feeling the fear alright.  But instead of doing it anyway I retreated into something known…well somewhat known but worse than what I had left.  I knew how to work with developmentally delayed adults.  Only this time instead of being in a supervisory position I was driving a van around (which I hate on many levels) and helping folks with their bathroom needs…which didn’t always go so well.

I chose this over working for myself doing stuff that I am passionate about and love.  I chose this because the fear of the unknown and putting myself out there seemed to be too much.  Better to be miserable doing something familiar.

I remember one day driving to get the van and start my rounds in tears.  I couldn’t stand the job and I couldn’t stand my life.

Ugh, when I think about all the time I’ve wasted doing stuff I wasn’t passionate about because I was operating from a place of fear.

Fear is great and all when it is healthy like not walking too close to the edge of a cliff or not trying to pet the huge lizard even Deb and lizardthough it looks cool.  But when it starts to make you miserable it’s time to take another look.

Last night in my meditation class we discussed loving kindness.   During loving kindness or metta meditation you repeatedly think well-wishing phrases first toward yourself and then expanding out to all beings.  May I be safe.  May I be happy.  May I be healthy.  May I live with ease.

I got to thinking about those phrases especially May I be safe.  Fear stems from a feeling of not being safe which again is healthy if you truly are in an unsafe situation such as alone in a dark alley in a bad part of town.  But most of the stuff that we fear—are we truly in an unsafe situation?

Or are we just making up this unsafe scenario in our mind?

Visualizing is an awesome tool to help us to manifest things that we want in our lives.  It can also be unwittingly used to our detriment when we visualize scenarios regarding the unknown that cause us to feel fearful.

Back when I used to have frequent panic attacks I was constantly thinking about where I might have a panic attack, of exit strategies from places if one came on and I thought I might pass out, or have some sort of unknown episode.

Of course all this thinking about things that totally freaked me out kept me having frequent panic attacks which in and of itself is unpleasant.

Then it happened.  I was away with college friends for a weekend in Montreal.  We went into a hot crowded bar.  I felt the blood drain from my face.  I got up to try to quickly get to the bathroom before it got worse…but too late.  I passed out.  Then as I came to I threw up.  Yup right in the middle of the crowded bar.

To add a huge insult to this injury, as I am in disbelief that this is happening in front of a roomful of people the bouncer hauls me off the floor and pushes me out the door thinking that I was drunk.  The irony is that I hadn’t even gotten a drink yet.

So as I sat on the curb outside sort of shocked and wondering if I had any puke on myself I realized something.  The worst had happened.  The thing that I had been fervently trying to avoid for years.

And you know what?  I didn’t die. I didn’t even really care that I had just made such a fool of myself. My friends were still with me and they weren’t mad at the spectacle I had made.  Once I could function normally we had some good laughs over it and just went on with our night.

So when you start going down the road of the worst case scenario, getting ready to play that loop over and over, catch yourself and STOP IT!  In most cases we don’t spend enough time there to actually manifest it but what it is doing is making us feel fearful therefore lowering our vibration and point of attraction.  From this point of attraction you are not going to be manifesting much of what you actually want.

Instead why not think about what you would love to have happen in this scenario?  Then you will get to enjoy feeling good leading up to it and chances are it will happen just as good as or better than you imagined!  Isn’t that a more excellent place to live?

No need to hurl in public to learn this—just think thoughts that make you feel good and get on with your rocking life!

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