I recently had a bout of technophobia.
If you don’t know that term the definition is as follows: being pissed off, or angry, that a piece of technical equipment does not seem to be functional, even though it really is functional and it is just the person trying to operate it who is not functional, which pisses said person off even further.
First I bought a new laptop. Not because I felt I needed a new laptop or had any gripes with my existing one, but because a few people upon learning how old it was started freaking me out saying it could die at any time and you have it backed up right??
That lead to a frenzy of trying to figure out how the hell to back up my laptop before my whole world came crashing down around me. Finally I got that done and sat back to revel in my success. I didn’t need to rush out and get a new computer (or more like I had no idea what to buy so I was just avoiding it).
But as luck would have it I was working sitting on my couch, put the computer on the floor and then promptly kicked over my water which was also on the floor and screwed up the screen. I have never in my life spilled anything on any computer.
Fine Universe, I’ll get the damn computer.
After much deliberation and angst that I would somehow make the wrong choice I ordered my new computer—yay! I thought I was out of the woods. But I didn’t think ahead to…how the hell do you get stuff from old computer to new computer? Does it somehow happen magically like when the Radio Shack guy makes all your contacts and pictures just appear on your new phone?? I hoped that would be the case…but sadly, I was mistaken.
So now I have this lovely new faster computer that has Windows 8 (what the hell is going on there??) and what do I do? Continue to use my old computer (because that’s where all the stuff I need is, duh!!!). What else was I supposed to do?
Apparently I was supposed to figure out how to transfer the stuff from my old computer on to the new one and then actually use the new one. Oh.
Here’s where the anger starts to set in, because frankly I don’t want to figure this out. I want it to happen magically like it does with Radio Shack guy. Why can’t he just do it? I suppose it would help if I bought it there…
I was spoiled because a friend of mine used to do all this stuff for me but he wasn’t available. Another friend said, you really need to learn to do these things yourself. That just pissed me off further.
Sensing my distain she helped me get the files (from the infamous backup!) dumped on to my new computer. I couldn’t really find them at first but finally did. They still don’t seem to be where they are supposed to be (in my confused little mind) but I was able to start using the new computer.
As if this all wasn’t harrowing enough, then I have to buy a freaking projector so I can use power point and videos when teaching my Infinite Possibilities class. This pushed me over the edge.
I started researching them and soon realized I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about so I sent a few links to another friend who is tech savvy (thank God for my friends!!) and he told me which one. I hit the purchase using one click button (the part of this whole process that I am good at—the one click and all) and waited.
It arrived and right away I began pining for Radio Shack guy—why aren’t they out wandering the streets waiting to kind of laugh at you because your old equipment is so outdated but then ready to bust out a miracle?
I was lamenting about this to my coach when he asked me when my next class was scheduled. I started rambling on about how I bought this FUCKING projector and I couldn’t get it to work, I didn’t know how, I’m sick of trying to figure this stuff out.
He proceeded to tell me that it was BULLSHIT that I was letting a projector stop me from doing what I need to do, you can learn how to do anything on youtube, and that I just needed to make a commitment to figuring it out and getting it to work.
I got off the phone and sat down to figure it out.
Interestingly enough later that evening I went to my meditation class where we are contemplating the Ten Perfections—the ten qualities that you need to perfect to become a Buddha. That evening’s perfection was Resolve/Determination.
We were asked to think of a time were we had great resolve. I immediately thought of when I did the 30 day juice fast—it never entered my head that I wouldn’t be able to do it or I might fail. I decided and I did it.
It made me start to wonder why I don’t have that type of resolve with everything in my life. I realized this involved making a plan (I will juice fast for 30 days) and making a commitment to it. Then I further realized that my commitment was more than just to myself—I was doing a fundraiser so my commitment was public knowledge.
Why don’t we have this type of resolve when it is just a commitment to ourselves? It feels kind of crappy to let myself down but I do it. Yet I go to great lengths not to let a friend down even if what I agreed to do really isn’t serving me.
So I have been thinking about resolve and the places in my life I would like to apply it. Things I know in my heart that I want to do, and can do, but have not made a staunch commitment.
Different from New Year’s resolutions where we feel we should make some changes which we half-heartedly commit to and then decide in a week or two, nah I don’t really want to make the effort. I am talking about areas of your life that you feel so strongly about in your heart that you must commit to it, even if it feels a bit scary.
Take some time and think about where you would like to have more resolve in your life. Let me know in the comments below!
PS: Projector now works with new laptop!! Once I got a swift kick off the bitch train and became determined to make it work I turned around and kicked technology’s ass!
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