When Things Don’t Go as Planned

Have you ever had a day, or a time in your life, when things don’t go the way you planned? Really this has to be one of the most stupid questions I have ever asked because of course you have. We all have and it happens all the time. So what do you do about it?

I am thinking of this as I stare out at the pouring, pelting, teaming rain. I just got back from a long weekend at my friend Karen’s house on the Vineyard. And much like today, all weekend we had bouts of pouring, pelting, teaming rain. My plan going into the weekend on the Vineyard was to spend all of Saturday lying on the beach to combat the glaring whiteness of my skin. But that just wasn’t going to happen. So what to do? Sit around and be pissed off that the weather is not co-operating with my plan to not blind people when they look at my legs? No, you adjust and you find something else to do (like shopping followed by cooking, eating and drinking wine). Problem solved. But what about when the stakes are higher? What about the times when it’s not just your tan that is in jeopardy? What do we do then?

Take for example the biggest thing that doesn’t go as we planned—when you lose somebody you love. I hope for some of you reading right now that this has not happened to you yet. But depending on our ages it is likely that most of you have experienced this and I’m sure you will agree that it doesn’t feel like something just hasn’t gone as planned, it feels like a big f you from the Universe. Your whole life changes in an instant and it will never be the same again. How do you adjust to that?

Well, the first step is to realize that in fact it is not a big f you from the Universe as difficult as this may be. We want to find someone or something to blame. We are in pain. It sucks beyond belief. Often we literally can’t believe it has happened but unfortunately that doesn’t change the situation. And the next step is to try your best to remember that the Universe, the Divine, our Higher Selves, or however you like to think of the greater intelligence that has orchestrated our time here on earth, is benevolent and is always there to offer unconditional love and support as long as you are open to it. Is this going to make you feel any better? No, probably not at first. But you will find over time that you get the support you need and things happen that you never would have thought of to help you manage and get through. When you get to the point where you actually start to notice these things, that is when you truly begin to heal.

I have had some loss in my life, both parents and a friend, but it is hard to remember now that shift taking place because it’s been years and it is harder to see when you are in the middle of it. But as I have been seeing a good friend go through a devastating loss I have been struck by this healing process. When it first happened I wondered how she would ever get through it—the love of her life suddenly gone. Just gone. She went on with her life as you do because you have no choice. But slowly as time went by she found some things to take comfort in. The Universe conspired on her behalf to find a meditation center and the meditation and being at the Center has been amazingly helpful for her. It was nothing she sought out—she just saw an ad in the newspaper and said, you want to check out this meditation class? Now she even has  some moments of joy. Not all the time, but even the fact that there can be some moments is remarkable. While you never get over a loss like that, healing can occur and the Universe is always right there to facilitate it if you can open yourself up to it, even just a little bit.

I talked about this in last week’s blog and wanted to touch on it again because seeing things like this gives me renewed faith in the magical Universe. We all will have to deal with some really hard things in our lives. When that happens we can shut down and be closed off from receiving help or we can adjust. By adjust I don’t mean get up and get over it, but instead be open enough for some love and healing to fall into your lap.

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